What Does the Bible Say about Forgiveness?

Jesus said, “If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:15). The problem is that people sometimes hurt us deeply, and forgiving them is difficult, especially when the offender never apologizes or even acknowledges the wrong.

Dr. David K. Bernard explores what the Scriptures say about forgiveness and how we can apply its teaching to our lives, including in cases of severe mistreatment and abuse.

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Jesus said that we must forgive others if we want God to forgive us. Are Christians really supposed to forgive someone who hurt or even horribly abuse them? What if the person never apologizes for the wrongs they've done? If you're struggling to forgive past hurts and wrongs, you don't want to miss what Dr. David K. Bernard has to say. Welcome to Apostolic Life in the Twenty First Century, a podcast dedicated to helping modern-day believers live out the teachings of the first century church. This podcast is part of the teaching ministry of Dr. David K. Bernard. Dr. Bernard has dedicated his life to studying the Bible and helping believers apply its message to their daily lives. In Apostolic Life in the 21st century, Dr. Bernard answers your questions about what the Bible teaches and how those teachings apply to everyday life. Thank you for joining us for this episode. If you enjoy this podcast, we encourage you to check out Dr. David K. Bernard's books. Dr. Bernard has written more than 30 books on biblical theology and Christian living and leadership. Visit Pentecostal Publishing.com and search David Bernard for a list of available titles. Enter promo code DKB10 at checkout to save 10% on your order. That's Pentecostalpublishing.com. Promo code DKB10 to save 10% at checkout. You know, some of the Bible's most challenging teaching is on the subject of forgiveness. And Jesus said something in Matthew 6 and 15 that is very challenging. He said, If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses. The problem, of course, is that sometimes people do really horrible things to one another, and it can be really difficult to forgive somebody who's hurt us deeply. For example, is a Christian really supposed to forgive somebody who has maybe abused them horribly, physically or even sexually? And what if the other person never acknowledges the wrong or never says they're sorry? How should a Christian respond in this sort of situation?

SPEAKER_00 2:09

That certainly can be a difficult issue, but let me start with a very strong teaching of Scripture. As you point out, the Bible does teach forgiveness. In fact, the Lord's prayer says, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, or forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Do we really understand the implication of our prayers? Lord, forgive me as much as I forgive other people. And uh this was hard teaching even for the apostles. So in Matthew 18, uh, where you find this teaching about forgiveness, Peter thought he was going to be, you know, really noble and really generous. And he says, How much, how many times should I forgive my brother if he sins against me? Seven times? And seven was considered the number of perfection or fullness. So normally we might say, well, one or two times. So Peter was saying, you know, I'm gonna go overboard. I'm gonna go to perfection. Should I do as many as seven times? And Jesus says, No, seventy times seven. Now, that does not mean 490 times and then the 491st time you can kill him. But I guess Jesus was using hyperbole or deliberate exaggeration, but he was making a point. It's not about how many times, it's about your spirit, your attitude, and your heart. So we see this very strong teaching in forgiveness. Also, I'd bring in Ephesians 4, 31 through 32 that we should have right attitudes and we should put away anger, bitterness, clamor, or insistent, demanding spirit, malice, desire to see other harm, others harmed. And then he talks about being tenderhearted, and he talks about forgiving one another as Christ has forgiven us. So here we have this clear teaching that we should forgive. But let's talk about what forgiveness is and isn't. Um forgiveness is talking about an attitude of the heart. Uh, forgiveness does not necessarily mean, well, it doesn't mean condoning the sin. Actually, forgiveness implies you recognize sin as sin, but you're going to deal with it. So forgiveness is not making excuses or accepting excuses. Forgiveness is not cover-up. Uh, forgiveness is not evading the consequences. Forgiveness, first of all, starts with recognizing and acknowledging sin is sin. But then how you choose to deal with it is uh is the consideration. So forgiveness becomes an attitude of your heart. Uh I would also point out in the case of abuse, you're being mistreated, forgiveness does not mean you have to make yourself vulnerable to that person again. You can pray to a point of forgiveness, but that doesn't mean you have to put yourself back in that same situation. You do not have to continue that relationship, particularly if the person is not repentant, or if you're not able to, they don't have full accountability, or you're not able to have full trust. Repentance, I mean, forgiveness does not imply that you have to resume a pre-existing relationship, that you have to make yourself vulnerable to be hurt by that person again. So you don't have to, if an abuser says, Well, you're supposed to forgive me, uh, you can say, Well, I'm gonna pray until God gives me a forgiving heart, but I'm not gonna continue a relationship with you. And what you do has to be between you and God. Now, for forgiveness to be effective in the perpetrator, they have to have a heart of repentance. So actually, forgiveness does not exonerate the other person. Even if you forgive them, still they're accountable to God for their actions. And unless they genuinely repent and turn away from their sins and put their faith in Jesus Christ and determine to have a new life, then you your expression of forgiveness does not really release them of their sin and their guilt. Now, so with all that in mind, what is forgiveness? I think it does mean that when somebody's wronged us, we pray until we have an attitude that we do not seek vengeance against them. If they've done evil to us, we're not going to do evil back to them. But we pray for God to release the vindictiveness, the malice, the hatred, the bitterness, and release those terrible emotions so that we treat that person with kindness, respect, and love. And again, I'm not talking about an emotion as much as proper treatment. Now, for them to fully enjoy that, they must repent. So if they don't repent, they're limited as to how much they can receive the benefits of our forgiveness. But at least from our part, we're willing to forgive. And if they, and we do forgive on our part, if they then truly repent, then we can extend that forgiveness to them. But we don't wait until they repent before we change our attitude. So Jesus didn't wait for us to repent before he died for us. He died for us while we were still sinners. So I think what repentance can mean in this context, especially let's say you have an abuser who hasn't repented. And if he had the chance, might perpetrate the same type of abuse. What would forgiveness mean in that sense? I think it means praying to God, and it's not necessarily easy. It's more than just words, but praying to God until you can release the pain, the hurt, the bitterness, the anger, the strife. Anger itself is not wrong, but if you let it fester and become a grudge, it can become sinful. If you allow it to cause you to lash out against someone with hateful words or or actions, it can become sinful. But you ask God to release all these negative emotions and feelings. So from your part, you're at peace. And if that person would express genuine repentance, you would accept that from them. And your heart's desire is not to see them suffer or not to see them go to hell, but your heart's desire would be for them to realize their sin, repent, make amends, and find a place of deliverance, wholeness, and salvation. So if you can honestly get to that point where you say, I release those feelings, I put it in the hands of God, if that person is still in the wrong, I do want God to judge them. But I want it to be redemptive so in some way they might see their sin, correct their wrong, make amends, repent, that ultimately they would not be destroyed, but ultimately they would be saved. So when you can come to that point, then I believe that's forgiveness. Now, for minor things, that's simple as saying, I forgive you. And certainly when somebody truly repents, it becomes a lot easier to do that. But in more difficult situations, I think we can pray until that's our attitude. I don't want to see that person destroyed. I want to see them maybe disciplined justly. I want them to get what they deserve, but not for their ultimate destruction, for their ultimate salvation. I guess what I'm saying, I want them to suffer the consequences in order that they might be redeemed. So you can get to the point where I am not going to take matters in my own hands as far as trying to hurt them. I may pursue justice, I may report them, I may cooperate with godly leaders or secular leaders who impose righteous penalties. But again, my desire is not to see them destroyed, but to see them transformed. And notice that forgiveness benefits us. Because if you hate somebody, that doesn't hurt them. If you have malice and ill will and bitterness towards them, that doesn't affect them, especially if you're not in a relationship, but it affects us. It affects you because even physically as well as emotionally and spiritually, bitterness, hatred, malice, that twists our lives. That can cause physical illness. That can cause mental and emotional problems, and that causes a spiritual blockage. So actually, repentance or excuse me, forgiveness is God's way of releasing us from the pain caused by the sin of others. And it's true, it seems unfair. Others sin, we bear the consequences, now we forgive. But isn't that what Jesus Christ did? We sinned, but he paid the price. That is forgiveness. Yes, I believe we can forgive. We can pray until God releases us from any bitterness or malice, that we're at peace with God, our lives are now whole. And then if that perpetrator repents, then we can express our forgiveness. If that person refuses to repent, at least we have the attitude of forgiveness, if given an opportunity, and we leave them in the hands of God. So I do believe that we can forgive. And actually that's best for us. It doesn't put it at the mercy of a perpetrator or an abuser, but enables us to be freed physically, mentally, spiritually from the abuse of the past or even potentially of the present, the mental as well as physical anguish, and it sets us free to have a wholesome relation with God and with other people.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Thank you for listening to this episode of Apostolic Life in the Twenty First Century. If you enjoy this podcast, please take a moment to give us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app. We also appreciate it when you share Apostolic Life in the 21st century with a friend or family member. And make plans to join us again next time as we look at how the Bible applies to everyday life.